My Chinese allies in the quest for reducing trash

Lots of food around Penn, especially in the form of food trucks. Lots of vegetarian food, too, which makes me extra happy.

I was introduced to the Veggie Food truck by Carolyn when she visited here (naturally, she told me about it, even though I've been living here for 3 months by that point). Nice people selling good food in disposable aluminum containers and a plastic cover, all to go straight into the trash once I'm done eating.

Feels like a waste. So I took my handy collapsible Tupperware bowl that Paul got for me (thanks, Paul!) and on my next visit to the Veggie Food truck asked if they could put my food there.

The guy looked at me for a second, blinked a couple of times, and said "umm, no." He explained that he would love to, but he would have problems with his insurance company, since they can't guarantee that my container is clean.

Personally, I wasn't convinced. But hey, it's his business.

Today I went over to the Chinese Food truck for the very first time (it's parked right next to the Japanese Food truck, the Indian Food truck, the Mediterranean Food truck, and right across from the Penn gym where all the active-looking people can run in place and look at the food outside the window).

The Chinese girl was happy to serve me in my bowl. I'm happy to eat from it. Everybody wins. :-)

Okay, enough writing. Time to eat.

I got mugged last night, sort of

I'm okay, and no violence happened. No need to worry.

I was walking home last night, around 2am, and was about a block away from my place when a large-ish man stopped me and said "Delaware county?"

I said "what about it?" and he asked where it was, and then proceeded to explain that he needed to get there to meet his daughter etc., and soon after came the unavoidable request to help him out with some money. This happens pretty frequently in my life, but usually when there's more light and more people around, and the person asking me for money doesn't feel dangerous. I told him I wasn't carrying any cash, and he got a little irritated. By this point, I was already worried, and could definitely feel my heart pounding. I was getting ready for something bad to happen.

This kind of thing had never happened to me before.

We were talking all the while, and I was pretty intimidated. I had considered running, but was wearing my sandals (the strap on one of them often comes undone) and had my backpack on. He made it very clear that he wanted some money, and repeatedly said that he doesn't want to hurt anyone, and that he's not going to take anything by force from anyone (it was only him and me there, so it's pretty clear who "anyone" was). Despite his reassuring words, I was still pretty worried.

We ended up going to a nearby (1 block away) gas station, where I went inside a store to the ATM to take some money out. We talked on the way, and he was being proud of how well America and Philadelphia were treating me, and even let me know that "if we were in Israel and You came up to me and told me You needed some money, I'd help You out, You know?"

One of the more bizarre bits happened here. I asked him "how much would help You out?" and he said $20. I said "that's kind of a lot for me" and he responded "well, how about $15, then?" At this point I caught myself, realized how absurd this negotiation process was, and just walked in. As it turned out, the ATM could only dispense $20 bills anyway.

When we came out, I gave him the bill, and he shook my hand and offered me many blessings. "Your hands will be washed," he said, with a big smile, and I was thinking hell yes, I don't even want to know what I'm picking up from your hands right now. I watched him go before I started walking, and was hoping he wasn't going around the corner to meet me again and repeat the process.

When I got home, I was still scared and starting to be angry, trying to process the whole thing. I was wondering then, and still trying to figure out, whether I should've done anything differently.

• It's pretty clear, in hindsight, that I should not have walked home at 2am - I should probably get a bicycle so I can zip by rather than stop and chat with scary strangers.
• Possibly I should've crossed the street as soon as I saw him approach me. But he could've easily followed me.
• I could've also said "stay there! Don't come any closer" as soon as we started talking, which would've made it easier for me to run. But once we were walking past each other, it was hard to keep my distance.
• Should I have been carrying some self-defense device, like a tear spray?
• From a different side, I also wonder whether I should've talked with him more, and try to connect as a person. I did a bit of that as we were walking, and who knows what the effect was. But if there was a 24-hour diner right there, I would've considered inviting him for a meal to hear about his life.
• I probably should not have told him my real name when he asked for it (I wonder if he gave me his real name - the name he gave was about as unusual as mine, so not likely to be invented).
• I wonder if I should've called the police once I was in the store with him, and relatively safe. It's hard to imagine that the police would've been much help (especially given that, although I was intimidated, all he did was tell me how he's not into taking things by force from people). I was worried about him getting very angry and then coming for me later on.
• I also wonder if I should've called the police once I'd arrived at my place. I realized that I couldn't really give a good description of him, other than a vague sense of his height (which I probably exaggerated in my mind, since I was scared), the color of his jacket, the fact that he had something jingling in his pocket, and a fresh $20 in his hands. I could also tell them the name he gave me. But again, would that do any good? What would the police do? And would he then come after me? (since it would be pretty clear it was me who called the police on him).

I'm still going through the aftermath of this incident. I slept very well last night, thankfully, and woke up in an okay mood. As the morning progressed I noticed that my self-esteem is way down today - I'm being a little harder on myself than usual. I'm also a little apprehensive of people who remind me of that guy. I'm not really angry, and was fully engaged in the meeting I was at this morning. I wonder how I will feel once it gets dark.

Last night I received a very important lesson for just $20. The question is: What have I learned?

Both of the research assistants I work with are always online

Well, more or less. One has a Blackberry, and the other has an iPhone. I asked one of them how many of her friends also have constant online access. "Oh, almost everyone," she said. "I see them walking down the street or around campus with their heads in the phones, typing away... They're on Email."

It used to be texting. Now it's Email.

Times are changing. :-)

Back from Israel

Landed in Philadelphia a couple of days ago, and starting to get back into the swing of things.

The last 3 weeks of my time in Israel have been the fastest 3 weeks of my life. I think I did nothing but spend time with friends and family, sleep, and eat breakfast (all other meals were shared). And I still feel like I didn't get to see anyone nearly as much as I wanted.

I met a few new people during this trip: Two of my cousins and one of my best friends had babies within the last year, and that was the first time I met them. In the picture is the son of one of my cousins, along with my grandmother (his great-grandmother!), who turned 91 while I was in Israel.

Ninety one. Ho-ly moly.

And now, back in Phialdelphia, I am trying to embed myself back into this life where I don't have 10 close friends, with rich shared history, within 30 minutes or less from me. On the other hand, I do have the opportunity here to do exactly what I want to be doing. Which, I'm realizing all the time, is a rare and precious gift.

Ah, but I do miss my people in Israel. My friends, my family. I often say "my friends" when I talk about the people in Israel, because the two categories blur in my mind. They're all friends. They're all family. In the U.S., too, I have people that are close friends, who have shaped my mind, opened my heart, and held my hand in difficult times, kept me whole when I thought I would fall apart.

I owe my Self to all of them. All of You. And love You very dearly. :-)

Tango Therapy

Can tango be beneficial as a form of therapy? The BBC's "The World" thinks so. Check it out.

They describe how researchers are studying the benefits that learning and dancing tango can have for people suffering from Parkinson's Disease or depression.

Money quote (this one is about Parkinson's):

“We compared tango to American waltz and foxtrot and tai-chi and found that, while there were improvements in all of the groups, the improvements in the tango group were always equal to or superior to those in the other interventions.”

It makes perfect sense. Lots of social stimulation, using your body in a conscious way, learning new things (and trying to remember old ones)... What's NOT good about it?

(Spasibo, Tamara!)

Look right through me

A little while ago a co-worker (who is black - You'll see the relevance in a minute) volunteered to help me by letting me do a psychological assessment test on her (as part of my homework for one of the clinical psych classes, I must administer and score tests for IQ, learning disability, etc.). This was extremely nice of her, since those tests take 2-3 hours, and I'm often fumbling along, trying to find the next question or worksheet. She was being an angel.

At the end of the test, I asked her for feedback. What did she like? What did she not like? What would she recommend that I do the same, or that I do differently in the future? She mentioned a few things, and then looked at me for a couple of seconds and said "actually, ther'es one more thing and, uh, I hope You don't take this the wrong way."

I promised to let her know if I think I may be taking it the wrong way. She said "Okay. Well, You are one of the only.... um... one of the only white people that really look at me. I mean, really see me when we're interacting."

This is probably the best compliment I ever received. It's also very disturbing. We talked about this for a while. She told me about the experience of being ignored in shops, while white patrons who came after her were immediately approached by sales people; about being treated rudely in medical clinics. I told her about a story I heard a few days earlier from a white friend, who said that he often feels like black people treat him as though he's transparent - "they just look right through me" (he described how once, in a checkout line at a grocery store, the black cashier had a conversation with the man standing behind him, literally talking and looking through him).

A couple of weeks later, as I was walking from the big train station on 30th St. and Market, a young black girl was walking in front of me, in the same direction as I. A large, intimidating white man walked towards her at a good pace, and shoulder bumped her as he passed. Roughly. I was stunned, and he passed by. I felt (and still feel) absolutely horrible for not saying anything, for letting fear get the better of me, for not even protesting. Next time, I will.

What a funny place, Philadelphia. It's probably not so different from many other places, but things are closer to the surface here, easier to see. Philadelphians are very proud of the ethnic integration of the City, but the implicit and explicit inter-ethnic tension is still very real, and very raw.

For my part, I was glad to have had such an open conversation with my friends. Racial and ethnic tension is not a topic I avoid, and it doesn't make me uncomfortable. I've learned, over time, that lots of people do get uncomfortable when it's brought up explicitly, and so I became more cautious about when I discuss it, and with whom. It was nice to meet people who are willing to acknowledge that it exists, and to share their experiences. There's nothing like open air for this kind of tension.

CLaP HaNDs

Sitting in a cafe in Mt. Airy, Philadelphia (too hot to be home, so I relocated here to read and write some). Suddenly a song they were playing got my attention.

I mean, commanded my attention. I couldn't ignore it, and didn't want to. I put down my book and just listened. And then went to ask the guy behind the counter what song this was.

Clap Hands, by Tom Waits.

Holy moly.

You can listen to the track here (takes a few seconds for it to load and start). The lyrics are here. And, as a bonus, after You've listened to it once, You can also see an especially freaky version here.

Man. So much power in such simple lyrics, such simple music. Gotta love it.

And, of course, You can tango to it. :-)

Building schools in Afghanistan - and the Pentagon digs it, too

So cool. Meet Greg Mortenson, who has been building schools in Afghanistan with the aim of promoting education (especially women's education) as a way of helping everyone out - and reducing world-wide violence (a.k.a. terrorism). Paul forwarded me this New York Times article about Greg, and it made me so happy that I thought I'd pass it on.

Especially happy-making for me is the fact that the Pentagon is acknowledging this initiative. From the article:

"The Pentagon, which has a much better appreciation for the limits of military power than the Bush administration as a whole, placed large orders for 'Three Cups of Tea' [EM: the book Greg wrote] and invited Mr. Mortenson to speak.

"'I am convinced that the long-term solution to terrorism in general, and Afghanistan specifically, is education,' Lt. Col. Christopher Kolenda, who works on the Afghan front lines, said in an e-mail in which he raved about Mr. Mortenson's work. 'The conflict here will not be won with bombs but with books. ... The thirst for education here is palpable.'"

And he has an interesting story.

Hope lives on. Go Greg.

Please please please

Wear a helmet

and

use your seat belt.

It's really simple.
It will save your life
and the happiness of anyone
who loves You.

The laws of physics don't care if You were cautious before some other driver crashed into You. When You hit the road, the only thing that matters is that You hit the road.

Today I learned that one of my colleagues, whom I still haven't met, was hit by a car while riding a scooter with her husband. Neither one was wearing a helmet. In all likelihood, they were two of the smartest, most caring people I would have ever met.

That did not matter. They are both in intensive care. She is slowly recovering. He is missing half of his head.

Be a hero. Save your families from having to go through a similar experience.

Please. Please. Use your seat belt. And if You have to ride a motorcycle, wear a helmet.

Please.

Paul's Visit

Paul came to visit over the weekend, bless his heart. We didn't even bother pretending to be adult/responsible/grown-up/productive, and just enjoyed our time together. :-)

On our list of activities:

• Eating tofu hoagies (thanks, Seth!)
  
  
• Testing the once-around myth on the swings (thanks, Jessica!) in Clark Park. Let's just say that Paul dismounts more gracefully than I do:

• Enjoying the July 4th fireworks with my mentor and her husband (and eating water ice for the first time. The mango flavor is good.)
  
  
• Seeing an improv show (I won the "Audience Suggestion" award! For providing a name for a TV show that never happened: Miracle in a Bowling Alley. What clever, tasteful people they are).
  
  
• Attending a milonga (and receiving a surprise brownie! Thanks, Lori)
  
  
• Hiking around the Wissahickon (Wiss-a-what-a-can?) Park (which is green and huge and gorgeous), getting lost, finding our way again, and enjoying the whole thing thoroughly.
  
  

The Big Give Wedding

Okay - Mary Murphy (who's always been cool) just got my vote for the Ultimate Human Being Award after sending out the Email below. If You have a moment, read it over. If You have some spare cash, consider donating some of it to people who don't.

(and yes, Mary asked that this Email be forwarded)

Congratulations, Mary and Victor. :-)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Mary Murphy
Date: Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 8:02 PM
Subject: Our Big Give Wedding

Dear Family, Friends, and Colleagues, 

I hope this finds you well and I'm writing to ask a favor. Many folks participate in runs or walks for charity, but Victor and I have had a brainstorm that we hope you will support. Inspired by Oprah's Big Give television show, we have decided to throw a BIG GIVE WEDDING in which we've challenged ourselves to raise $30,000 for two charities.  Because our wedding is in September, we chose charities that target back-to-school time—providing weekend meals and school supplies to low-income Chicago school-kids who would otherwise go without.

We are asking everyone we know who might feel a connection to a charity drive that raises funds for kids' weekend meals and school supplies, to donate.  Of course, in lieu of all weddings gifts and registries, we're also asking our guests to give to these charities too. Together we hope to reach our fundraising goal. Please read about our charities below or at our website and, if you are able, please donate at www.ourbiggivewedding.com. Donations flow directly to the charities (described below) through their secured websites. At just $2.50 for weekend meals, and $17 for school supplies and backpacks for a year, we can all give. Any amount gets us closer to our goal!

Our first charity is Nourish for Knowledge, a program of the Greater Chicago Food Depository.  On Fridays during the school year, the Food Depository provides take home bags of food to children who would otherwise go without over the weekend.  $2.50 feeds one child for the weekend.  Our goal is to sponsor an entire Chicago Public School's program for one year. To give to Nourish for Knowledge, please click here.

Second, Kits for Kidz helps organizations provide school supplies and backpacks to low-income children.  $12 buys school supplies for a child for one year, and a backpack costs just $5.  The Erie Neighborhood House and its charter school will receive these school supplies and distribute them to its low-income, predominantly Latino and African American, students.  Our goal is to raise at least 800 backpacks for the Erie Neighborhood House and Erie Charter School. To give school supplies, please click here.

We need YOUR HELP to make this give BIG!  We hope this will have a direct impact on improving the lives of needy children, feeding them and readying them for the school year.  Not only are we asking for your donations, but we're also asking you to reach out and get involved.  FIRST, please VISIT Our Big Give website: www.ourbiggivewedding.com.  Using the tabs at the top of the page, read about our charities, sign the guest book, and please give.  NEXT, please FORWARD the message to people you think would be interested in supporting these charities.  

In Chicago, the two of us are pursuing leads with several corporate donors who are interested in supporting these causes as well. Our charities have agreed to give recognition to organizations and business that give big through this project.  We have also been in contact with the Oprah Show, which has given us the green light on OUR BIG GIVE WEDDING, and we've promised to keep them apprised of our success.  So, together, we're off to the races!   

Please let us know on the website what you think by signing our online guest book! 

We're so excited to be able to begin our marriage in this way.  

Thank you for helping us to GIVE BIG to these kids,

Mary Murphy

She's so cool :-)

Graysea, my loaner dog from Nathan the Generous, is awesome.

When walking outside together, she'll wait when I ask her to (for example, before crossing a street), and then she'll bolt when I say "okay!"

I just think that's adorable amazing.

On other fronts: It's hot again, and quite humid.

A better mouse trap

This guy is my hero: http://www.humanemousetrap.info.



Way to go, Manny! :-)

The Hidden Zero - Exposed :-

I found some posts about an article that I wrote with James Gross (my Stanford adviser) and Carol Dweck (my Stanford fairy god mother). The funny thing is that the paper is only coming out next month.

I am pleased. :-)

• http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-narcissus-in-all-us/200909/increasing-self-control-appreciating-nothing

• http://www.psychologicalscience.org/onlyhuman/2008/06/youve-got-to-feel-zero.cfm


• http://nudges.wordpress.com/2008/06/23/making-the-payoff-look-worth-the-wait
  


• http://blog.consumerology.org/?p=29

I ain't waving, babe, I'm drowning

In a play that I saw a few months ago, the actor/writer sang this really haunting and beautiful verse, which stuck in my head ever since. Yesterday, while driving around to look at houses in Philadelphia, I translated the verse into Hebrew:

(turns out this is one verse from a poem by Ric Masten, who also writes a lot of other neat things)


I ain't waving, babe, I'm drowning
Going down in a cold, lonely sea
I ain't waving, babe, I'm drowning
So babe, quit waving at me


אנ'לא מנפנפת, אני טובעת
בים אפור, זועף
אנ'לא מנפנפת, אני טובעת
אז מותק, אל תנפנף

Engaging Presentations

This article goes a little beyond the "less text, and throw in a joke" tips. In my ongoing quest for learning to engage (thanks for giving me the language, Paul), I'm going to save this one and consult it when I start working on my next presentation.

 

Still, the key points appear to be the same: Simplicity, emotional connection with the metarial, simplicity, drama (theme, rhythm, peaks), practice, and simplicity. :-)

Living with the muppet dog

A couple of days ago I moved to house/dog-sit for Nathan, who is a friend of Seth's, and now also a friend of mine. It's a lovely two-floor house in Germantown (a neighborhood in Philadelphia that is farther out from downtown, and borders the huge park and the river that runs through it).

When people ask Nathan what sort of dog Graysea is, he says "A muppet wolf-terrier!" and it's funny how different people catch different parts of that description. Personally, I think the "muppet" part is the most accurate, and the other two words are just planted there to distract people away from it. When I asked Nathan about my hypothesis, although he didn't exactly confirm, he also didn't deny. :)

I spent a few hours yesterday driving around and trying to get a feel for the neighboring neighborhoods. I'm thinking about buying a place, and still considering getting one in this area, rather than closer to campus. I'm a bit worried about potential problems with commuting to/from campus - I'd love to bike, but I don't think the weather here will allow biking all year, and I still haven't figured out the commute time using public transportation.

Rachel and I Broke Up

Yesterday night. By phone.

Sad.

Seriously?

From a textbook on diagnostic interviewing:

"If the patient agrees with the interviewer's [i.e., the therapist's] view, the therapist calls this congruency full insight."

Come on.

Hot Tango in Philadelphia

At some point, it got too hot for me to feel sorry for myself, and so I decided to do something. I Googled "tango philadelphia" and the first result was this incredible website called (wait for it) TangoPhiladelphia.com. As it turns out, there's a place to go dancing pretty much every day of the week. Amazing.

I decided to go and see what it's like. The surprising thing is that I actually did go. Once I got to the place, I just kept right on walking, got myself some orange juice, and then went back and hung out on the street corner, drinking my juice. I was nervous. I don't have a lot of confidence in myself as a dancer (as a leader, anyway), I'm usually a little shy about asking others to dance, it's been a few months since my last milonga, and I didn't expect to know anyone in the room. I made a deal with myself: When the next person goes in through the door, I'll go in too.

A few minutes passed, and nobody came in. I started feeling silly, and just pushed myself to go inside and see what happens.

I had such a good time. :-) I ended up staying until the end (from just after 9pm till after 1am), which I wasn't planning on. People were incredibly nice, and warm, and welcoming. Nobody ran away screaming after dancing with me. :-) Most girls looked at me funny when I asked if they'd like to lead, and usually chose to follow. Two agreed to try and lead - they were relative beginners in tango (although lovely followers) and perhaps had less social norms to overcome about leading. I also met a guy who had never danced tango before, and just came to the milonga. I was so impressed. We danced together a couple of times, with me following. He appreciated it.

There were a few bonuses thrown in there. First, there was the Spanish speaking lady who was willing to speak to me in Spanish and then explain whatever I didn't understand. Then, there was the tango teacher who came over and asked if I'd like to dance - as a follower. She spun me around the floor like crazy. I had a blast. Lastly, there were the brownies. Oh, the brownies. I had never seen such a spread at a milonga before - fresh fruit and all kinds of pastries. I stuck to strawberries at the beginning, but then it was brownies all the way. :-)

Some thoughts

• In all the places where I've danced tango so far, it's almost always the men who ask the women to dance. A lot of women feel that it would be a social faux pas for them to ask a man to dance. A woman I spoke with today at the milonga explained that she's worried about coming off as "too aggressive." I'm amazed that there is still such backward thinking around. I just don't get it. There are rare women who will walk up to men in a milonga and invite them to dance (they're usually tango teachers, and I imagine they feel secure about their status in the community). I, for one, have no problem with being asked to dance. Quiet the contrary. The fact that women still feel like they shouldn't take the initiative--and, what's worse, that men may also feel that women shouldn't take the initiative--feels very oppressive to me.
  
  
• Seth's place is in a great location, in terms of proximity, although parts of the neighborhood itself look pretty sketchy. I've been driving less and less, as I got more of the geography of the place into my head and realized how close everything is. I was considering walking to the milonga, rather than driving, and asked Seth if it would be safe to walk back late at night. He said that he, personally, feels fine about walking around at that hour.
  
  I wasn't sure how I felt about it, and was considering taking the car or possibly not going, or at least borrowing his bicycle so I could pass through the streets quickly. It took me a few moments to realize that I was confusing poverty with criminality and violence. I actually hadn't seen any violence, or even hints of violence (unlike other places I've lived in before, notably in New York City). And realizing that I was automatically and unthinkingly assuming there will be trouble made me sad. I realized that, if I don't test my assumption, I'll always just be afraid of walking through this neighborhood at night. I decided to walk, as an experiment.
  
  It was fine. I'll admit to being apprehensive at times, but there wasn't even a hint of a threat. I rehearsed in my head what I might do if I got mugged (not resist, offer whatever I have, be respectful), but it never happened. So now I have a bit of experiential knowledge telling me that, at the very least, I won't get mugged every time I walk through the neighborhood at night. ;-P
  
  

Man, tango was fun. It's been the first time I've done anything like exercise since coming here (since going on the roadtrip, actually), and I feel good. Definitely planning on more of that.