Hot Tango in Philadelphia

At some point, it got too hot for me to feel sorry for myself, and so I decided to do something. I Googled "tango philadelphia" and the first result was this incredible website called (wait for it) TangoPhiladelphia.com. As it turns out, there's a place to go dancing pretty much every day of the week. Amazing.

I decided to go and see what it's like. The surprising thing is that I actually did go. Once I got to the place, I just kept right on walking, got myself some orange juice, and then went back and hung out on the street corner, drinking my juice. I was nervous. I don't have a lot of confidence in myself as a dancer (as a leader, anyway), I'm usually a little shy about asking others to dance, it's been a few months since my last milonga, and I didn't expect to know anyone in the room. I made a deal with myself: When the next person goes in through the door, I'll go in too.

A few minutes passed, and nobody came in. I started feeling silly, and just pushed myself to go inside and see what happens.

I had such a good time. :-) I ended up staying until the end (from just after 9pm till after 1am), which I wasn't planning on. People were incredibly nice, and warm, and welcoming. Nobody ran away screaming after dancing with me. :-) Most girls looked at me funny when I asked if they'd like to lead, and usually chose to follow. Two agreed to try and lead - they were relative beginners in tango (although lovely followers) and perhaps had less social norms to overcome about leading. I also met a guy who had never danced tango before, and just came to the milonga. I was so impressed. We danced together a couple of times, with me following. He appreciated it.

There were a few bonuses thrown in there. First, there was the Spanish speaking lady who was willing to speak to me in Spanish and then explain whatever I didn't understand. Then, there was the tango teacher who came over and asked if I'd like to dance - as a follower. She spun me around the floor like crazy. I had a blast. Lastly, there were the brownies. Oh, the brownies. I had never seen such a spread at a milonga before - fresh fruit and all kinds of pastries. I stuck to strawberries at the beginning, but then it was brownies all the way. :-)

Some thoughts

• In all the places where I've danced tango so far, it's almost always the men who ask the women to dance. A lot of women feel that it would be a social faux pas for them to ask a man to dance. A woman I spoke with today at the milonga explained that she's worried about coming off as "too aggressive." I'm amazed that there is still such backward thinking around. I just don't get it. There are rare women who will walk up to men in a milonga and invite them to dance (they're usually tango teachers, and I imagine they feel secure about their status in the community). I, for one, have no problem with being asked to dance. Quiet the contrary. The fact that women still feel like they shouldn't take the initiative--and, what's worse, that men may also feel that women shouldn't take the initiative--feels very oppressive to me.
  
  
• Seth's place is in a great location, in terms of proximity, although parts of the neighborhood itself look pretty sketchy. I've been driving less and less, as I got more of the geography of the place into my head and realized how close everything is. I was considering walking to the milonga, rather than driving, and asked Seth if it would be safe to walk back late at night. He said that he, personally, feels fine about walking around at that hour.
  
  I wasn't sure how I felt about it, and was considering taking the car or possibly not going, or at least borrowing his bicycle so I could pass through the streets quickly. It took me a few moments to realize that I was confusing poverty with criminality and violence. I actually hadn't seen any violence, or even hints of violence (unlike other places I've lived in before, notably in New York City). And realizing that I was automatically and unthinkingly assuming there will be trouble made me sad. I realized that, if I don't test my assumption, I'll always just be afraid of walking through this neighborhood at night. I decided to walk, as an experiment.
  
  It was fine. I'll admit to being apprehensive at times, but there wasn't even a hint of a threat. I rehearsed in my head what I might do if I got mugged (not resist, offer whatever I have, be respectful), but it never happened. So now I have a bit of experiential knowledge telling me that, at the very least, I won't get mugged every time I walk through the neighborhood at night. ;-P
  
  

Man, tango was fun. It's been the first time I've done anything like exercise since coming here (since going on the roadtrip, actually), and I feel good. Definitely planning on more of that.