Doctors Rule

I'm currently staying with my friend Seth and his housemate Abigail. Both are medical residents - Seth does internal medicine, and Abby is an emergency room doctor. I was sitting at home (ha, I call it "home" already, that's so nice) and suddenly it occurred to me - today, and every day when they're working, they are saving lives. Literally, saving lives! While I, uh, find creative ways to spend tax money through research.

I chose, a few years ago, a path that may result in large-scale impact, rather than focus on inidvidual lives. It was a hard choice, and I never feel completely confident that it's the right choice. I usually feel that it is, for me. Although I try to be a positive influence on people I interact with throughout the day, I consider my work to be about large-scale impact. But to be confronted so directly, on a daily basis, with people who save lives for a living...

A few years back, I think it would've been very easy for me to spiral down into self-reproach and doubt - am I wasting my time? Am I wasting other people's resources? Should I drop it all and go to med school, or try to find some other way of having immediate, tangible, positive impact on the world around me?

But this self-doubt didn't really happen this time. I respect Seth and Abby a great deal for who they are and for the work that they do, and I feel that I am on the right track in my own work. They inspire me to remember not to waste my energy on the kind of self-gratifying research that I sometimes see around me--scientists doing research to impress other scientists, without improving anybody's life (well, I guess they're improving their own)--and still, I am glad to say that I feel good about the path that I'm on. I just hope it will prove to be more than just dreams and intellectualization, and result in true service and real benefit to others.

Hurrah, doctors. :-)